Second child syndrome and treatment: Everything You Need To Know

Second child syndrome can be defined as the given phenomenon according to which second born children feel less valued in the family compared to the firstborn child. It is sad but true that most parents are not even aware that their attitude toward the second child and interaction with him or her is different.

For this reason, the second child acquires some behavioural problems and may lack self-esteem. The good news is that with tender loving care and some practical advice, it is possible to avoid or cure second child syndrome. This term describes the phenomenon of second children being treated differently than their older siblings.

Understand the Second Child Syndrome

Second child syndrome is a situation where the second born child feels neglected, unwanted or treated differently from the firstborn child. Some common grievances voiced by second-born children are:

• Perception that parents bring higher expectations on the firstborn
• Receiving toys and clothes that someone else has used.
• The game has more strict rules and discipline
• Less of baby pictures or achievement events
• Fewer opportunities to spend time with parents

As you can observe, second child syndrome arises from the parents’ tendency to consciously or unconsciously compare children and provide them with different treatments depending on their birth order. The second child usually responds with positive behaviours such as demanding attention, throwing a fit, clinging, or being withdrawn.

Reasons for Second Child Syndrome

There are several reasons why second child syndrome develops:

• Parents are more lenient with the second child and want him/her to fend for themselves early.
• The fun in celebrating every single achievement is relatively low the second time around.
• They become busier as responsibilities double with the arrival of the second child.
• Hence, the firstborn feels out of place, and parents overreact.
• Lack of respect for personality differences is another issue.

The above causes show that second child syndrome has a greater linkage with parenting perceptions than second child inherent defects. However, with some modifications, parents are capable of avoiding differential treatment and, consequently, psychological problems.

Symptoms of Second Child Syndrome

Here are some common signs that your second-born child may be struggling with feelings of differential treatment or comparison with the older sibling:

• Crying, throwing things, arguing, or other defiant behaviours
• Relating less with family members and seeming to be uninterested
• Nighttime wetting or other sleep problems
• Poor academic performance
• Lack of confidence and self-esteem
• Issues related to role identity or confusion about one’s place in a particular setting
• Some of the risky behaviours common among teens include substance use and abuse

In case you identify any of the above in your second-born child, it is advisable to seek counselling to correct the causes early. Second child syndrome counselling, which should be done as soon as possible, increases the chances of the child developing coping mechanisms and gaining back his or her self-worth.

Tips To Manage The Second Child Syndrome

As parents who likely did not expect to deal with second child syndrome, here are some useful parenting tips:

1. Praise individuality – Do not compare siblings and focus on the strengths of each child.

2. Share quality time with each child – You should ensure that you spend individual time with each child.

3. Share items such as toys, clothes, or money – Avoid feelings of bitterness resulting from the distribution of secondhand items or unequal sharing.

4. Find ways to celebrate your second born child’s achievements – Let your second born child know that you appreciate him or her.

5. Explain new rules or even discipline – Do not compare and impose stricter control than that applied to the firstborn. Be careful when changing the rules, and communicate your reasons for the change clearly.

6. Make both children involved in family affairs – Make the second born child express what they want and be taken into consideration.

7. Respect the interaction that a kid has with grandparents or any close relatives – As much as it is good for the parents to shower love on their kids, it is also good to make sure that the kids from the same family get love and care from other family members too.

Make siblings exchange work-related activities. Help create a caring balance between siblings. With some extra attention, everyone can become a more attentive parent and raise a child with a focus on his or her personality and temperament.

Medical Intervention Relevant to Second Child Syndrome

If your second-born child already develops symptoms of some chronic psychological problems because he or she feels less appreciated, it is high time to seek professional help. The best psychologist in Gurgaon or a family therapist could identify the causes during the second child syndrome counselling sessions with parents and the child.

Here is what you can expect from the counselling process:

• Giving the child encouragement that helps to build his or her self-esteem
• Family therapy sessions with the aim of enhancing interactive communication
• Assisting firstborn child in dealing with displacement problems
• Incorporating child-specific parenting approaches as teaching techniques
• Behavioural anger management techniques
• Healthy compromise in the context of a family unit

The number of sessions can range from 8-12, or the child may require long-term therapy depending on the severity of the problems. Most children can overcome second child syndrome issues when they get professional assistance.

In case your child displays any of the worrying signs mentioned above, do not dismiss it as a child’s normal attempt at getting all the attention. Ensure they get second child syndrome counselling as early as possible because it will go a long way in improving their health and ability to relate to others.

In Conclusion

So, second child syndrome is real, but it is something that can be addressed and overcome. That is why, with some changes, it is possible to make the second born child feel as important to the family members as the first born.

Get the best psychologist in Gurgaon, Dr Dipti Yadav, an experienced child psychologist for personalised therapy who has been practising for over a decade. One should pay attention to the idea of getting to know and developing their talents. However, if symptoms worsen or if one requires more help, do not shy away from consulting a professional counsellor or therapist.

About Author

Dr Dipti Yadav is a seasoned child psychologist with years of experience, specialising in family therapy and childhood behavioural issues. She is dedicated to helping families navigate challenges like Second Child Syndrome, offering personalised treatment plans that foster healthy family dynamics and build children’s self-esteem.